Thursday, June 17, 2010

What's Happening

Jen says I should come on here and write some kind of farewell.

I don't know if I'm done. I just don't know. I don't want to come on here and whine about how terrible, how awful, how unrelentingly painful it is to be unemployed when what you did was live out the gifts God gave you, to be filled with unrelenting passion every morning.

A few of my friends approached me, and one had no idea where I was emotionally or psychologically, and both impressed on me how I had to forgive the people for what they've done to me.

That's a tall order, and not just because the people who fired me left me with four days of health insurance and no severance at all.

It's because I will probably forever be the kid picked last. The short little runt, shortest or second shortest in his class, and when they picked me last, I said to myself, "I'm gonna make them all pay." And I did.

It's hard not to just be motivated by pure vengeance.

But it's such a terrible motivator, especially minute to minute. Especially when you're feeling so much longing and loss at other parts of your life.

So this swirled muddle is a worthless place for a blog. What do you want to know? I'm still unemployed, nearly two months later. We've reached the end of all cash flow and we're hoping something happens.

We both miss our Zoe so much that it just makes me cry. Right now, it makes me cry. And what I'd do when anything like Zoe or lose my job happens is call my Dad and he'd give me the right thing. But He's done here on Earth, and... and I don't know.

Plus...Facebook. Twitter. Facebook and Twitter for people I'm helping.

I just don't think the story is over. Even if no one reads this or anything in the future, I think I"m not done. There's still a story to tell.

Talk to you soon.


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