This Moment

It's the Holidays and that means a lot of emotion for me. I used to sing, and when our group sang best was around now. Our Thanksgiving Eve service was...was just one of those moments when you can't feel your fingertips. There was this one Christmas service once that we did that was the best thing I've ever been a part of. We did so much. So much good for others and each other.

I don't sing anymore, and so this season comes with a deep longing. And now even more longing.

A long time ago, in 2001, I found out my father had cancer over Thanksgiving. And for the postceding months, I believed him to be going or gone. I walked alone at night around the streets of my little town begging God for his life.

And..for the past few years I've been telling my troupe of kids that we should look around the table and be grateful for who's here, because when the kids grow up, who knows where they'll be. Next year, God willing, two will be in college and my heart will miss them. Longing.

I look in the mirror at a tired 41 year old man. If I live as long as my grandfathers, I am more than halfway done. I long for sleep, for health, for a few more moments with my kids - but the kids who giggled in the tub. For my dad - but the dad who plotted out his practical jokes very seriously. For my singing days - but the days when the biggest fight was how long to hold a note.

All this longing. Today we drove by the big Nativity scene outside a church here in Cedarburg and Selah wondered why there was no baby out. I told her it was likely the church wanted people to ask that, to wonder where the baby was, when it would come.

Me too. Come quickly, Lord. Fill my longing with a song again. My father with peace. My children with enough to be strong in you. Fill this season because I need you.

One eighteen

My dad could throw a knuckleball. Overhand, underhand. If you ever seen someone throw a knuckleball, ever seen one up close, floating by you when you've got a bat in your hand, it's pretty mesmerizing.

When he threw it, his eyes were huge - Mike Singletary-like, for those of you who know the reference. Being a perfectionist, Dad worked hard to conceal the pitch, to keep his motion consistent. But a knuckler looks like a knuckler coming off the pitcher's hand. And knowing the pitch is a knuckler won't help you hit it, anyway.

It made me realize - I think most of us realize - that Dad was letting us hit pitches. That if he wanted to, he could have dug out the huge sweeping curve too and kept us at bay for as long as he wanted.

He's not going to throw a knuckler anymore. It sucks. Kellen will never see it, and I guess it's to me to explain in reverence so he understands what an amazing, dominating athlete Bat was. Ridculously fast. Incredible hands. Mercury quick.

I sat across the table from Dad on Tuesday and told him that we all have to quit wishing. Wishing for the past, for the days of the knuckler, for a batch of waffles prepared while dad was whistling to the stero.

And we have to quit wishing for the future. Today is today and it's all we have. And today is the only place where God is waiting for us. For Bat, all 118 pounds of him.

What I'm Talking About

The detractors of Christian music might not have failed on such a grand scale as me. But for me it's the confluence of gifted musicianship, profound lyrics, my sin and God's glory.



You Are On Our Side
by Bethany Dillon

The orphan clings to Your hand
Singing the song of how he was found
The widow rejoices
For her oppressors are silenced now

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

The runaway falls at Your feet
You are what he has searched for
The rich man is broken
When he stands beneath a sky full of stars

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

You sit at the table with the wounded and the poor
You laugh and share stories with the thief and the whore
When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

Still, You sent Your Son for us
You are on our side

Because Journalism Is Dead But Jesus Isn't: The "Side-hug" Smear Part II

In Part I, I talked about a video I found through a friend on Facebook.



The video bugged me. I'm kind of a Christian music geek and I can think of two songs that have the word "Christian" in them. Neither are contemporary: The carol "Good Christian Men Rejoice", and "They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Love."

Besides, if the side-hug was a legitimate concern of a group of hard-core Christians, they'd be banging on their pipe organ, not trying to emulate rap.

So I contacted the church that submitted the video. Here's my interview:

1. Let’s legitimize our interview by having you introduce yourself and role at TFH. How did you come to work there?

My name is Tim Bittle. I am not "employed" by TFH but I am an associate youth pastor. I am a bi-vocational pastor (meaning that I work a secular job for income and pastor at the church for free). My wife and I have been working with the youth for about 3 years now.


2. Did you all ever have a clue that this video would get the views its getting?

Not at all! As of last night, we we're over 500k including all sources (youtube, vimeo, and other video websites). We never intended the video to be anything other than a nostalgic memory for those that were in attendance at the 2009 EG conference.


3. Did Huffington Post contact you before it put it on its blog?

Never once! Which makes the claims of the videos legitimacy all that more hilarious!

4. Everyone who watches this video is struck by the high level of organization, sound design and choreography involved in this song. For detractors, it’s proof that it’s a professional group trying to legitimately promote a Christian ideal to Christian youth. For people like me, it’s proof that these are a group that if they’re going to spoof something, they’re going all the way. Which is it?

This video / performance was never intended to be taken seriously. The "rap" was written by myself, an actor and a full time janitor at the church (we are all good friends). We are about as far off from being "rappers" or even aspiring "rappers" as one can be.

When we put on these events, we get tired of standing in front of 1000 people and rattling off a bunch of rules (don't bring food or drink into the sanctuary, turn your cell phones to silent so you don't disrupt the service, etc...). This rap was created to spice things up a bit. At the opening scene, you notice that the screens are all fuzzy. That's because the rules video had just cut out and we came on stage to make the rules a bit more fun.

When we do something like this at our church, we always do it with a ton of energy and what we believe to be excellence! You can see evidence of this in the other videos posted to the TFH account on youtube.


5. There are clues this is a spoof. It’s posted on a Youtube channel that has only rap spoofs. It is tagged under “comedy.” You can hear peals of laughter throughout the video, starting at :40 seconds. Why do you think people didn’t get the clues?

Beat's me. The best answer I can give is that they didn't want to. Much of the response, as you can see, has been negative. It is generally aimed at demeaning Christians and not necessarily us a individuals in the video.

I think much of the controversy has been stirred by peoples desire to share their opinions about how much they despise organized religion and those that would be "shallow minded" enough to believe it. At the end of the day, we are not offended at all but it was a bit of an eye-opener about outsiders views of the church.


6. Are you all going to do anything to address that it is a spoof?

We have purposely not responded online or posted a response video. Partially because we think it's funny that something this hilarious turned into such a big deal but also partially because we have been surprised to see how quickly information gets twisted. Many of the mainstream media websites posted that "we have verified that this is a legitimate rap group".

The fact that none of us had been contacted to verify this information is alarming! How many people are just buying into whatever garbage they are told online, on the news or by what they deem to be reliable sources. It just supports the thought that journalism today is not what it should be. This is one of many interviews we have done with those who want the truth behind the video. I think after a short period of time, the spoof will just sort of address itself.


7. My father’s a pastor and I’ve been a Christian all my life. I honestly have never heard of the “side hug” before the rap. Is it a part of your church’s beliefs? Is it part of any of the “rapper’s” beliefs?

Not at all! We are all totally fine with hugging. This was just some self-depreciating humor working itself in song :).

8. I am amazed that the stories of Christians having an impact on this world are rarely ever told, but slams on Christians like this spread like wildfire. Something tells me you wish a different video, story or website would have gotten as much notice. Is there a story, video or website you would like to tell me about that tells more of who you all are and what you do?

I would love to recommend that anyone interested download the TFH podcast / videocast. We have a great church with an amazing senior pastor. It's a relevant church with amazing worship and practical teaching.

I guess my advice would be "don't knock it till you've tried it". All of us in the video were living pretty colorful lives before we became christians and began attending this church.

I can honestly say that without it, we may have all found ourselves in much less desirable place in life. Any info you would want about our church, our campuses, our internship, our beliefs, etc, can all be found at TFH.org. Thanks!

Because Journalism Is Dead But Jesus Isn't: The "Side-hug" Smear

It started for me when a friend I work with posted this on Facebook:



The link was to a blog post a blog called "The Huffington Post", believed by many to be the most influential, if not the most influential, blog on the internet.

The post, reprinted here in its entirety, was written with a sneering tone that bugged me. Oh, did I tell you that The Huffington Post is a haven for bad reporting and liberals?

The post:
"Christian youth groups finally have an alternative to normal, aka "front," hugs. As we all know, face to face embraces run the horrific risk of a clothed crotch graze. The Christian Side-Hug (or the CSH, as the kids call it) rids us of sin, as the only below the belt contact will be some good old-fashioned hip on hip action.

To help the side-hug fad sweep the nation, let us present this hardcore rap song. Yup, side-hugging has hit the streets. The group has as many emcees as the Wu-Tang Clan and as much power as a barbershop quartet.

Look out for the ominous sirens blasting on the track. Clearly, these are gangsters on the run from the law - probably from side-hugging up a storm! One emcee (wearing his bandanna 2pac-style no less) admits to taking part in the forbidden front-hug. But don't worry, God. He's married.

At the end, they all simulate getting shot and dying. We can only hope there are side-hugs in heaven. "



Honestly, I couldn't make out all of the lyrics, so I googled the name of the video, and got this:


Entry after entry, page after page, of bloggers commenting on the video. And literally all of the entries for the first several pages were people ripping Christians and Christian music.

From "The Sexist":

The Sexist: Sex and Gender in the District
Beyond DC
The Christian Side-Hug: “Front Hugs Be Too Sinful”

Posted by Amanda Hess on Nov. 23, 2009, at 9:56 am

"Attention, Christian kids: If you like not having sex, not speaking the Lord’s name in vain, and not being gay, then you’ll love the newest trend in policing typical adolescent behaviors in the name of God. It’s called the The Christian Side-Hug, and it’s here to help the devout avoid the temptation of full frontal hugging. Don’t worry—it’s cool, because they made a “rap” song about it.

According to Stuff Christians Like, there’s no “exact scripture reference” banning normal hugging. But the Side-Hug does significantly lower the “risk of two crotches touching,” which has got to be in the Bible somewhere. Here’s how you do it:

Instead of face to face, you go side to side, putting your arm around the person and your hip against their’s. Still having a hard time mastering it? Pretend you’re taking a photo and you’re both looking at the camera together. The side hug, or A frame as it is also called, is safe for the whole family, friendly and above all holy.

The Christian Side-Hug strikes me as almost skeezily chaste—I’d much rather have a brief normal embrace with a stranger than a hip-tap from a person who I know sexualizes even the most mundane forms of human contact. But the Side-Hug itself is slightly less offensive than the medium being used to promote it: An appropriated version of “rap music” performed by a bunch of white youth pastors who think that mixing in some gang-ish hand signals, tying on a bandana, and securing some fake bling will bring the youth to God.

The Christian Side-Hug rap comes courtesy of the Encounter Generation Conference, an annual Christian youth gathering which hopes to “bring the power, authenticity, and relevance of Jesus Christ to their culture.” I’m afraid that this potent combination of absurd chastity and mock hip-hop will be more likely to bring the power of a school-yard beat-down to these kids’ faces."

Commenters on blogs like this had about as awful - to significantly worse - things to say. Most ripped Christians and Christianity and Jesus. Some called this "Christian rap."


It was early Thanksgiving Morning. But I was incensed, a little defensive. Christian music has saved my life. And, I think I can comment to some degree as a professional who works in a media industry: the music and the musicians are largely gifted people. The comments were so scathing...and the video itself was too...odd.

I put my headphones on and listened. It was then that I heard the audience laughing pretty much throughout the video.

I decided to commit a FLAGRANT ACT OF JOURNALISM.

Thanksgiving in Teia's Eyes

Great, amazing pictures.

Thanksgiving 2009

GT

A long, long time - some 30 years ago, I was friends with a guy named GT. George Theodore Ballance, a big kid with a round face. GT played on the offensive line for our flag football team, truly found himself in the play, and knew how to pray with great fervor.

I said goodbye to GT midway through our 8th grade year when I moved away. We reconnected on Facebook a few months ago when I found a "GT Ballance Jr" online. We exchanged pleasantries, and then he told me his dad actually was on Facebook using his wrestling name. Seemed like GT had continued to be an athlete and dynamic performer.

GT and talked and shared via messages about his son and life and beautiful wife. Just a few weeks after we started talking, his wife was killed in a car accident. Age 32. She loved the Lord, and her husband, and now I see him walking a life of faith and tears. Yesterday's trip to the mall with Jr. ended up with some fun and three breakdowns. Pretty good for him, he commented.

GT can mean something to you and me. Give Thanks. For the remarkable blessing we have that we EXPECT - the time spent with those we love. Please don't waste a moment today. Tell those you love you love them. GT.

Thanksgiving

We traveled home this Thanksgiving for the first time in years.

A year ago, Jen and I were holed up in a room in Children's, praying for Zoe. This year, we were able to show her both her mom and Dad's families. At Jen's Thanksgiving, Terry, Josh and Jen acted out scenes from "A Christmas Carol" with great vigor. The food was marvelous and better still was this family, who through it all, has insisted on being a family.

We then drove up north to Bat and Christa's. I don't think it would surprise you to know that there were three floors of activity and conversation, waves of eating. I think the two most interesting dynamics are the huge number of grandchildren who play and talk and interact without thinking of the uniqueness of their relationship; and the fact that we're all old now. I'm not. But Erin is. Also, Heidi just revealed that she is only seven years younger than David Hasselhoff, which set off a chain of comparisons.

Bat and I talked briefly at how impactful the five short years we spent in New Orleans were. All of us recall those years as foundational and a true part of our personality. And the people all recall us and Bat with love. He told me that he's just honored to have been used by God.

To be able to spend time with my dad and to fight Zoe all night. To have beautiful, remarkable young ladies who are kids like Iz and Teia. To see Kellen towering over the group, quietly iTouching. To make a mindless bunch of jokes with my brother. Christa offering 10 pies after dinner. Selah and Elise free to play with cousins. Goofing around and cutting down a 20.00 tree at the ol' tree farm. A very, very Happy Thanksgiving.

Heroes

I nominate for heroes - true saints - anyone who has turned their life, their dreams, their gifts, their time, their marriage, their relationships, their hobbies, their desires over, abandoned them so that they can care for another person.

For the first time in months I accidentally spied this blog's traffic. It's down a ton, and that's because I'm not writing anything.

There are two reasons: if I write something, that means someone can use it against me. "I thought you said in your blog Ethan had fever," said one reader. "Why don't you just write about this in your blog," sneered another about a year ago.

The other reason is that I'm spent. I'm working and working and working. My work is fighting for survival in a tough economy, and I receive a lot of pressure to succeed, to bill lots of time, to acquire new business. So I do. I left work last night at 8:30 pm and left for work at 5:20 am. My reward for working that hard is that I get to keep my job.

But when I got home last night after stopping at the drugstore for medicine for my poor Aidan who's sick, my sainted wife was exhausted from her long day of holding serve with 8 children, one of whom is a special needs kid which by herself is a 24/7 job. A special needs kid who has an undetermined future, an undetermined group of future needs. Who may or may not talk. Or sign. Or walk. Or live.

The others - the older three, for example - have needs. Kellen has both of his toes worked on and needs a permanent solution applied there somewhere during the hoops season. Isabel just had three teeth removed and next week her final stages of braces. Eventually, she'll need another four teeth removed. Teia wants to get to Green Bay to meet with cousins. Those are typical, average, everyday needs.

And it means that when Jen is concerned about how she's in day 3 of a headache that includes her neck and back, she knows she can't afford a co-pay, not this year. Maybe January. For now, the co-pays go for Kellen's feet, Izzi's teeth, and to the urgent care for little Aidan, who had 103 fever last night.

1:30 Jen begged for three hours of sleep. I tried. At hour 2.5 I had drifted off, and Zoe threw up all over the bed, herself. Everybody up, everybody out. Clean off the bed, lay something on it. I'm looking anxiously at the clock knowing I have to be up at 5.

3:30 Jen's up and angry, emotional. She left the baby wipes in the car and has to go out in the 20 degree weather for them. She's slamming things and flops on the bed and I stir. I'll be up in 1.5 hours.

5:00 Zoe is still up. She's crying. Not sure why, maybe because it's the end of her nocturnal day. Maybe something else. She can't communicate like any other 19 month old so we wonder if she's hungry? Empty stomach from evacuating it hours before? Are we even awake and rational enough to decide?

7:00 I'm here at work and have been for an hour. I have three projects due today. Tonight will be no different, except Jen works, then comes home. This will never end. We hope it doesn't, because if it does, then something happened to Zoe.

We are nothing special. We're just burned out and tired and there's honestly no hope. Date night? Why? We're so tired and broke. We are poorer than we ever have been. I work so many hours I can't take on another job. I will not get a bonus from an employer that's struggling to stay afloat.

And I know I'm not the only parent or child like this. There are so many heroes out there. I wish I could hug you all. Jen and I both wish and hope we'll win a lottery so we can help you all. Your sacrifice, heroes, goes unnoticed, I think, even by yourself. I pray for you. Pray for your strength. A glimmer of hope somewhere, somehow. Maybe some sleep.

Song of Hope

Our whole family had a wonderful time at the concert last night. Robbie was warm and wonderful to everyone. We received some huge, warm hugs from him and he mentioned what we noticed...that when he saw Zoe during the show, he was really moved.

Zoe slept through Caleb and Will Franklin Chapman, and Bethany Dillon. Robbie was last, loudest, and had the most lights, so she woke to a wonderworld of lights and sound. And didn't make a peep. Maybe she recognized the music.

I have a wonderful video of Bethany singing my absolutely favorite Bethany song. I do not have a similar video of Robbie because I was crying during that song.