Dance In Peace, Michael Zechariah Clements

On my way home January 28, Jenny told me that I really didn't want to see Zoe's frail lifeless body. She wasn't there, she told me.

So I didn't. I hang on to the last picture I took and even now, I close my eyes and try to remember what her smooth face felt against my cheek. Hear her laugh - best she could - when we played.

I think what destroys us parents is that Zoe is all better and we have to wait to see her. She can sing now, sing better than her mama, but we have to wait to hear it. That she laughs and can't stop talking like her brothers, but barring Jesus' return, we're stuck with piecing together our projection of what she looks like. And wonder if we'll know her, and she'll know us. On this earth, even after 96 weeks and 4 days, Zoe could barely lift her leg with a shoe on it.

Now her form is glorified and if you'd meet her, if you didn't know better, you'd want to bow down and worship her instead of the Glorifier inside her.

Bittersweet. Sometimes...heck, all the time, that's the best we get as parents. I raise my kids to grow up and be God followers, to love each other and work hard, and believe. Zoe did. And so do the others. But...I don't want them to go.

Bittersweet is what I'd call my relationship with my brother, Shane Clements. I found him on Twitter, a little over a year ago, asking us all for prayers for little Michael, even before Michael was born. He, unfortunately...yet fortunately...shares my torture. Minus 92 weeks and a day.

I never met Michael but I figure he's like his daddy, pressing and seeking God's heart, even right now. He's complete now, and his dad saw him broken and loved him all the same. Shane wanted Michael whole again, and Shane got his wish. After 17 days.

Michael is dancing with Zoe and he never had to know what it's like to lose, never had to learn what torture even means. Glorify. That's what he knows. Magnify.

And when God sees Shane someday, Shane's going to hear words I'll tell him now, but nowhere nearly as perfect or complete: You did it right, Shane. I'm so proud of you. Well done.

Satisfied

This world stinks. All by itself, without us sinful people polluting it. The premise stinks. Then you add us.

This world stinks and that's why little babies are born, little babies who did nothing to anyone, they're born broken and torn. These babies fight beyond their strength, and their parents fall on their knees and pray to trade places with them, pray just that the world would only stink less and that there are a few more days when you could watch your baby live and breathe. They beg God.

But that's not the plan, not what's best. We parents are too easily satisfied. Leaving the baby, broken, in a world even more broken isn't what God wants for any of us.

C.S. Lewis puts it this way:

If we consider the unblushing promises of
reward and the staggering nature of the
rewards promised in the Gospels, it seem
that our Lord finds our desires not too
strong, but too more weak.

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with
drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy
is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants
to go on making mud pies in a slum because he
cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a
holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

So what pleases me would have been that Preacher Shane's boy would have lived to fight another day. I am crying. I am upset and I am grieved. What would have pleased me is that he would have fought for his breaths, fought every night for his life against his own cells.

That didn't please God. He wanted Michael Z. to come home to him and be whole. And run and laugh and praise. God wanted it to start yesterday.

Preacher Shane/Michael Z Update

Preacher Shane in his blog:

Our c-section was scheduled for 10:15 yesterday morning but Michael had other plans and decided to come early. He was born at 7:09 am weighing 4lbs and 0 oz 16 3/4 in long. He is now facing a great battle with all the health issues and medical personnel that are less than willing to give him a fighting chance.

Michael's heart troubles are different and more serious than what we thought. He will require heart surgery before he can go home, but he is too small for surgery right now and they will have to do surgery on his intestines before they can do the heart surgery. Right now he is not stable enough for any type of surgery. Please keep him in your prayers.

***My note: notice what happened here. The doctors said that the baby wasn't stable enough for surgery. What they didn't say is: this water fountain isn't for you/get in the back of the bus/you don't get health care because of your genetic matter.

And yes, I'm making that statement. If you want to debate me on this, bring it on. Let's end discrimination in this country against those who are weakest and need our help the most.

Pastor Shane

Haven't heard anything since this Facebook post from yesterday:

Just spoke with the NICU Dr. things are not good Michael Z needs your prayers now more than ever. He has a very hard battle ahead of him.

This from Preacher Shane's blog:
From our visits with the perinatologist and the neonatal cardiologist we have seen that Michael has an omphalocele (a portion of his intestines and possibly some of his liver are growing out into his umbilical cord), heart defects-a DORV (double outlet right ventrical) and an AV canal, his right foot is turned in, and his hands are clenched. The heart defect can be corrected with surgery after he is born at about 3-6 months of age. The omphalocele can also be corrected with surgery. 95% of the children with Trisomy 18 don't carry to term and if they do, many don't survive the first year. As you can imagine, we are saddened that our son facing such insurmountable odds, but we also believe that God is still in control and can heal our son, if He so chooses.

Pastor Shane Update: Alive and Stable

Michael was born at 6:09 our time. He weighed 4 lbs, is stable and in the NICU. Mom is resting and in recovery.

If you'd like to leave a note, you can follow his twitter feed at @preachershane .

Pastor Shane

just changed his Facebook status to "just got a call from the OB...the c section has been moved up to 10:15 tomorrow morning"

Please pray

Pray For Preacher Shane

Preacher Shane, as you can tell from his blog, is a dad and a preacher. On Friday, he and his wife are set to have their Trisomy 18 baby in Atlanta.

Please, everyone, pray for Shane and his family.