Oh My Soul

The Call performed by Josh

Found out today that my brother-in-law Josh is battling some true problems with his heart. He's in the hospital now, and the experts say he's experienced at least two heart attacks. Josh is 22. He's the guy I talked about here, who opened for Robbie when Robbie Seay sang for Zoe last year.

I don't know about anything. If any of you had your money on "Greg" in "person most likely to have a heart attack," turns out you were wrong. And that's with the two or three hours of sleep and the kids and the kid and the exes and the divorces and the agency pressures. Nope. Wasn't me.

If you had "Greg" in the "person most likely to break into tears spontaneously," then you can probably collect. We're all so fragile. We're all so strong. Zoe's lying in her car seat next to me, oblivious to liver cancers, heart attacks and financial strife. I'm thinking the way Zoe sees it, she's got very few problems in her life, except her mom and dad won't stay awake with her. And she can't figure out why. Zoe of the condition incompatible with life. Fragile Strong Zoe.

My father, the one with the ugliest liver at least one doctor has seen, called on the spiritually hungry at Brown County Mental Health Center this Sunday. He talked to me on the phone tonight, because I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't talk to my dad at times like these. "You can't bear this," he warned, "this isn't for you to bear." Fragile Strong Bat.

Fragile? Not sure. Strong...yes. But slightly frazzled. That's Jen. Packing lunches and trying to match socks while she gets her three hours of sleep and operates as the rock-type at the hospital for the Popes.

And then there's Josh. Kellen was telling me tonight that Josh held Selah as a baby, has been friends - a brother, even - longer than his little brothers.

Robbie sang this at Zoe's concert last year. It is, as far as I know...the only recording of Robbie singing this song. Thank you Robbie.



When clouds veil sun
And disaster comes
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rise
And hope takes flight
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Ever faithful
Ever true
You I know
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go
You never let go

When clouds brought rain
And disaster came
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rose
And hope had flown
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Oh, my soul
Overflows
Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, my soul
Fills hope
Perfect love that never lets go

Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, what love, oh, what love
In joy and pain
In sun and rain
You?re the same
Oh, You never let go

Overheard

Aidan to his mom as she feeds Zoe: "Mom, can we keep that baby all day and all night?"
Jen: "Yes. We can keep her all day and all night."

Mother's Day and Birthday

Mother's Day was a nice day to give my mom a flower to wear to church and maybe even sign a card I may or may not have read that my dad bought for us kids to give to her. Then on to the hot ham and rolls for lunch!

As I became a mom, Mother's Day was slightly more meaningful to me. Now I got the flower for church and the hot ham and rolls. The signed cards, and even some homemade ones (my favorite!)

Last year I had a hard time facing May. It was going to be Mother's Day, and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to celebrate with all of my children. I started thinking more about Mother's Day, and being a mother, and if I was going to be given a chance to be one for my baby girl. Not only was that in May, but my birthday as well- turning the big 30! Was I going to be able to celebrate my birthday with all of my family?? As you are well aware- God blessed me to do just that!

Fast forward one year...May was coming once again. Two Mother's Days? Two birthdays? Would I truly be that blessed!?! Mother's Day came and I rolled over to see two BIG blue eyes staring at me. "goo" came with a little smirk. Happy HAPPY Mother's Day to me! Next came in an AMAZING 5 year old with the biggest, loving heart you will ever see- "Happy Mother's Day mama, here's your card!" I was never so happy to see a card in my life :)

Then the 4 year old who can put a smile on your face no matter how down you are came running in- "I'm the baby, Ethan's the monkey!" Explain- There was a picture of a baby boy and a monkey in a crib. I hugged them as tight as I could, looked out the window, just as I do every morning and whispered- "Thank you God for today" The rest of the day was perfection. Then came my birthday. Yes, yes...the big 31! I woke up to some big blue eyes, a couple hugs, and a "mama, it's your birthday" with two thumbs up. How much more could I be blessed!?!...and yes, I turned towards the window once again with thanks in my heart.

That evening, my WONDERFUL husband took me out for an amazing night...filled with comedy sports, cheap beer and people watching! btw- the burgers there are incredible! Who knew!?! We even got hip and trendy and went to a bar on Water St. Yep, that was us for a night, a couple! Thank you Greg for being there for me through everything and for laughs and beer and love.

Thank you ALL for your support through prayers, and gifts, and money, and food and love. You helped bless this mom to enjoy another May, and for that I will be forever grateful.

Best of Broadway Pictures

Here's a bunch of Best of Broadway pictures, featuring the lovely and talented Jen, her talented and sometimes available brother Josh, "The Big Girls": Teia and Isabel, "The Blondies": Selah and Elise, Little Ethan, and Deirdre's oldest son Keaton.

Musicals featured were "My Fair Lady"; "Into The Woods"; "Spamalot"; "Ms. Saigon"; and "The Sound of Music."

Anna & Luke, Welcome To Our World

Some of you have been following our story and know that Jen's sister Tracey and her husband Jaime were trying and trying to have a baby for years. Tracey even appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show to discuss her pursuit - and the travails - of infertility and the anguish of trying to have a baby.

Today, Tracey gave birth to two babies: Luke - 6 pounds, 7 ounces 19 inches; and Anna - 5 pounds, 11 ounces 19.5 inches.

Both kids are doing well and mom is tons better now that she can breathe. Since their due date was in July, Tracey was worried she wouldn't be able to get to the Robbie Seay concert. Looks like she is available after all.

Jen Turns 30

Jen's 30 today. Zoe gave her a present with a wailing cry for formula at 4 am. Zoe eats 2 ounces at then loses interest, which keeps her hungry a good part of the day.

We're going to take a trip down to Chicago, not pay someone (sorry someone) and go see Wicked. If you know Jen, she spends a good part of her time singing Broadway showtunes or directing people on how to do it. Seems like the thing to do.

Mother's Day: Keep It Simple

The Tenth Law of Simplicity
Simplicity is about subtracting the obvious, and adding the meaningful.



I have been perplexed about this entry. All day. Besides it being dreary here, besides spending much of the afternoon with Zoe while Jen was out with her mom, sister and grandmother, I just felt like if I just wrote one phrase, it's all I could say. I have no miraculous C.S. Lewis quotes.

So I stumbled across the above quote, and it made me think I should just remove the obvious and add the meaningful.

Here's the meaningful: There is no love like a mother's. She holds you forever.

No words.

Sing, We Will

Thanks to everyone for your emails and comments encouraging us to keep on singing. You're right. Deirdre's comment was right on when she mentioned that Zoe obviously responds to Jen's presence in the room. Whether it's vibrations from Jen's voice or Jen's magnetic presence, we might not know. But her daughter knows when mom is there.

Jen and I have already contacted St. John's asking for an opportunity to sing, so we'll see how that goes.

Home Today?

Zoe and Jen are likely coming home today. This is a big relief to our family. Zoe's bilirubens are static at this time, and while there is a chance of complications, we're going to encounter that at home, with sunlight and a different spirit than Children's.

Doctors Basir and Humphrey have approved the move, so we'll see if any obstacles lie in the way of a return this A.M.

Please don't stop praying. Thank you so much, everyone, for praying.

The miracle you've been praying for is Zoe's birth - thousands of trisomy 18's never are born. Zoe's 7th day - 50% of trisomy 18's never make it past that day. Zoe's breaths and life today. That's the miracle you've been praying for.

I believe that how you and I face the reality of life and death and God's promises today will effect whatever God has in store for Zoe in the future. "Child," said Aslan, "did I not explain to you once before that no one is ever told what would have happened?"

Thank You Everyone!

Thank you everyone for being so kind. For the texts, the calls, the prayers. Oh my goodness the prayers that lifted me and Jen. For the prayers that delivered our daughter to us in three pushes.

Thank you for the gifts and the time. The love. Thank you for being Christ to us.

-liveblog out

dilated

zero stage

Jen's Contractions

Are pretty close together. Some big ones in there. And they're pretty regular. AND she was at -1 station at last check. I missed that detail. This is going to happen...sometime.

Midnight Check....

Jen is dilated further...4 cm and 90 % effaced. They'll check again in 2 hours. And if you were wondering, I did slip into a necessary coma since the last update. Apologies if you were waiting for more thrilling reporting from the frontline...

Buh Bye Katie!

Jenny to Liz to Katie to...who knows. We're on to shift 4, nurse 4. I'll keep you posted.

The Way To Look At It

Since Jen's still at 3.5 cm and same effacement, the doc will continue to increase Jen's pitocin to encourage bigger and longer contractions. Water breaking was a surprise, and the next break - changing from -2 station or another change in dilation/effacement - will have to surprise us as well.

What I"m saying is...go to sleep. I'll mind things and keep updating throughout the night. Breakfast baby? That's my guess.

Comfortably Numb

The meds are finally taking effect, which will let Jen rest up for final approach. Cervical check showed no change.

Epiidural Issues

The Epidural didn't immediately work like it should have. They pulled it back 2 cm and put some faster acting anesthesia into her line...now her left leg is numb, but the right still feels ...and she's getting hit with some bigger contractions.

They are less organized in rhythm than before. Big ones, but less regular...

Rhythm

Every 2 mins, lasting one minute. tough ones.

Joe Vs. The Volcano

  JOE
 Well, up till now I've lived
 on a tiny island called Staten
 Island, and I've commuted to a
 job in a shut up room with
 pumped in air, no sunshine,
 despicable people, and now
 that I've got some distance
 from that situation, that
 seems pretty unbelievable.
 Your life seems unbelievable
 to me.  All this like life,
 seems unbelievable to me.
 Somewhat.  At this moment.

     PATRICIA
 My father says almost the
 whole world's asleep.
 Everybody you know, everybody
 you see, everybody you talk
 to.  He says only a few people
 are awake.  And they live in a
 state of constant total
 amazement.