Court Day and Bargaining

One experience I've (sadly and embarrassingly) had a number of times is going to court and knowing that you're going to get embarrassed, ridiculed. You're going to get nailed to the wall, dropped to the floor, left with nothing. There's nothing you can do because man's court is not about mercy.

In the days going up to those court days, I've really struggled physically and mentally. There's not much you can do when you know what is going to happen and you know you have to endure it. My heart races and I worry. I try to put it aside but you know what's coming and you know there's nothing you can do.

That's how I feel going to this cardiologist today. Like I'm going to court. And Cardiology isn't about mercy.

I have a strong urge to bargain...to trade something for a successful appointment where the doctor will turn and tell us he can repair Zoe's heart and there's a chance.

But there's nothing to trade from my life. I'm a spiritual and financial pauper. The only thing I have of worth is my family. With nothing to offer, I just turn to the only hope in all of this and beg for a smile.