Friday, July 10, 2009

Given A Chance And A Rock

Back from a nice week away from the blog.

Back just to ask for your prayers. So many things all happening at once - some stupendous. Some stupid.

My dad's cancer is stupid. Cancer, as we all know, stinks. It's just a sign that this world stinks and any hope for peace in this life is misplaced. Dad's first round of treatment went well. But in order for it to go well, he has to undergo pain and sickness so he can hopefully be less sick. Whereas no one forsees a complete healing from cancer, some see this treatment as a step towards more days with us.

One thing is for sure: this place is better with my mom and dad in it. With their examples of faith and devotion, with their willingness to fight after years of living on nothing and raising us. They will not go quietly. If anyone was wondering, I learned it from them.

My job is stupendous. I get to work in areas and with people I never would have dreamed. I'm awed, honored. I get to create and guide things and try and live for an idea. Sure, it's long hours and stressful, but those are elements of nurturing anything. I'm blessed beyond measure.

The economy is stupid. We're not sure how we'll make it. Not sure about anything. My workplace has let half its staff go in the last year, and even forced us all to undergo paycuts. No one is prepared for that. For us, we're fighting for survival and finding out that creditors don't have any way of working with us through these times. It's stupid and couldn't come at a worse time.

Zoe is doing stupendous. Ok, she's not actually putting on any weight, but her growth and development are pretty amazing. I was at work last week when Izzi texted me to tell me she was watching Zoe's physical therapy. "She's amazing," Izzi gushed about her little sis.

Amazing? Is it amazing on a curve? Perhaps. We all know that a good portion of medicine is starting from the "she'll always be like this" philosophy. Zoe will not always be like that. What will she be?

The answer, as it is to anything that is stupid or stupendous, is we don't know. I don't know if I have another day or a year with my dad or my daughter. Or my job. I just might get someone elected governor of Wisconsin. I also might not have a place to live. Only one true thing in this life.

Cuz if the birds and the flowers survive, then I'll make it ok.

Table for Two
by Caedmon's Call

Danny and I spent another late
night over pancakes,
Talkin' 'bout soccer
And how every man's just the same
We made speculation
On the who's and the when's of our futures
And how everyone's lonely
But still we just couldn't complain

And how we just hate being alone
Could I have missed my only chance
And now I'm just wasting my time
By looking around
But you know I know better
I'm not gonna worry 'bout nothing
Cause if the birds and the flowers survive
Then I'll make it okay
I'm given a chance and a rock
see which one breaks a window
See which one keeps me up all
night and into the day

Because I'm so scared of being alone
That I forget what house I live in
But it's not my job to wait by the phone
For her to call

Well this day's been crazy
But everything's happened on schedule
from the rain and the cold
To the drink that I spilled on my shirt
'Cause You knew how You'd save me
before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day
long before You made me out of dirt

And You know the plans that You have for me
And You can't plan the end
and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace
Just to get me to sleep.


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