In January, Jen and I were walking around KMart and she mentioned as she passed some baby girl clothes that she wished she could have a baby girl. But then she said she knew that I didn't really want to have any more kids.
I told Jen we're already broke. We already don't fit into a minivan. We're still changing diapers, and we owe everyone. When I wake up in the morning, there's always at least a few kids in there with us. Another baby won't change much. So if she was serious, then we should be serious.
We continued to walk through the aisles of KMart.
Jen countered. She said if God would give me a raise, then, we'd have a baby. We told each other we'd pray about it separately, and a few days later we agreed that was our prayer.
In a matter of a few weeks, I was given a raise. Trouble was, it was nominal, not really a ton, but then again, we hadn't specified how much of a raise. Let that be a lesson to all of you out there.
Jen called me at work and asked me what we should do. I told her I didn't think it was a very big raise. Gideon had put out the fleece twice. We should, too. I wish I could tell you that we put it out and asked for Powerball, but we didn't. We just asked for a substantial increase.
Within weeks, I was offered a position at my current employer, Avicom. The entire organization, from top to bottom, man to woman, is a blessing in my life and I am so blessed to be there.
And it was a substantial increase.
Jen and I vexed because God had pushed the chips into the center of the table and said "Call." What was our hand? A lot of fear. We didn't do anything at first. But then we had a scare with Selah, and Jen and I talked again, and we strongly believe that Selah's health issue was a little reminder to us that God was God, and we, to quote my woefully underquoted ancient sister, are middle management.
Then, I read
this devotion. I actually forwarded it to Jen. She read it and agreed...that we should follow God recklessly. Like a scene out of a movie, the phone rang. It was Walgreens, with a friendly reminder that Jen's prescription was ready. Her month's worth of pills. We decided she wouldn't take them. Six weeks later, Jen was pregnant.
This is typically where people pop the jokes about me and my indomitable procreative abilities but the truth is, none of them ring right in light of the story I just told you. God told us to have a baby, and we listened.
So, Jen and I are pregnant and we're due around the end of March.
This week we found out that our baby is a girl - what did you think it would be? - and that she has a heart defect. The doctor seemed quick to indicate that the heart defect is treatable and my read on him is he wasn't worried about the surgery it will take to repair the defect. But his voice was different when he talked about other potential problems. Zoe's heart defect and her two-vessel umbilical cord are sometimes signs of further problems.
Right now, she looks like a little kid. Her kidneys, brain, and spine are fine. She can't keep still. She looks fidgety. Please pray that Zoe Elizabeth continues to grow. It's the best sign that she is ok. Pray that her organs and limbs and her body grow and that this is just one little blip, the first way she'll break her daddy's heart.
Right now, there's nothing Jen and I can do, which is fitting and beautiful. I can't hold Zoe, and even when I try, I find I can't hold her. This isn't for me to hold. It's for you and me to hold up so that God, who called us to follow him recklessly, will hold and in His goodness, will do what He knows is best.
