Thursday, April 16, 2009

every morning

went walking down the beach today with Jen. I really wanted one of those cool spirally shells. i just couldn't find one.

somewhere, halfway down the walk, i gave up trying to find the spirally shell. i don't know what they are, what creatures they are, but they didn't frequent that beach, that day.

i stumbled across some really cool things, some fragments of things that at one point were awesome. some things that were striped and calicoed when wet, but turned almost completely white when dry. i found one shell that looked so perfect, i inspected it closely to see if it was fake.

i've been wrestling with telling you this story because i don't want it to ever make it sound like i'm ungrateful to my dear friends Ted and Gina. and the more i think of it, the more it fits in this thought, so here goes.

a week ago, we packed it all. packed the coolers, checked the lists, contact cases, extra power cords. borrowed an inverter from the Maziarkas. everything was set. the kids got in, and Jen got in, and i figured we'd run to Walgreens and get one last prescription for Zoe...then pray, then drive off.

so i turned the key.


turned it again. click.

nothing. no lights, no nothing.

kids thought i was teasing but i told everyone to get out, dispatched jen to walgreens. Ethan started to cry, but I'm finding older sisters have a stock phrase. I've heard Teia say it to Selah, who has barked it at Ethan. And it sounds reminiscent of something Deirdre has said to me. "You're ok. You're fine."

the kids went inside and made whatever was in the fridge. I pulled the almost brand-new battery from our minivan, put it in the 15 psgr van, and we drove away.

sometimes life isn't what you think. it's not even close. but if you don't get wound up in the expectations, you'll find a little bit of beauty - maybe the treasures you were supposed to find. like a crew of kids who just suck it up and get out of the car when it doesn't start. like friends who have held me up in prayer, supported me with love, money, food, favors beyond anything i could ever explain. i drove Ted and Gina's van a couple thousand miles to get here! I'm not sure what they get out of it.

in Lamentations, the author says

" 22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness. "

This life and all of its trials could permanently swallow me up. But God's mercies - the transliterated word is actually akin to "kindnesses" or "goodness" - are new every morning. Sometimes you don't see its beauty until its wet.


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