My 4 AM Friend

You've heard me talk about Zoe and me at 4 am. And how she just wants to be awake and kind of stare and make weird noises as if she's talking. I'm sure she thinks she's talking.

She likes interacting this way with me more than her mom. I'm not sure why. Some mornings, this whole interacting is beyond me and I doze off - that's when I get the Zoe punch. Some mornings, I'm actually pretty awake and lucid. And, as I've written before, some mornings, I'm just swept away by the reality of losing her.

I don't belong here. In this world, little kids die because they have an extra chromosome and its no one's fault. There is no logical or even emotional way to explain why this truth even exists. This is direct evidence that I was not made for this world.

C.S. Lewis says, "If we discover a desire within us that nothing in this world can satisfy, also we should begin to wonder if perhaps we were created for another world."

beautiful letdown
by switchfoot

It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone, unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew,
That all the riches this world had to offer me will never do.

In a world full of bitter pain,
and bitter doubts,
I was trying so hard to fit in,
Fit in, until I found out

I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belong
I don't belong

It was a beautiful letdown
When you found me here
Yeah, for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful letdown
That's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free

We're still chasing our tails
In the rising sun
In our dark water planet still spinning
In a direction no one wins
No one's won.

See, I don't belong here (I don't belong)
Well, I don't belong here, I don't belong
I will carry a cross
With a song where I don't belong
I don't belong
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
No, I don't belong here, I don't belong
I'm gonna set side
And set sail
For the kingdom come, kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Won't you let me down, yeah
Let my foolish pride forever let me down

Ah, Easy living, you're not much like the name
Easy dying, you look just about the same
Would you please take me off your list
Easy living please c'mon and let me down

We are a beautiful letdown
Painfully uncool
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools
What a beautiful letdown
Are we salt in the wound
Hey, let us sing one true tune

I don't belong here (I don't belong)
It feels like I don't belong here, yeah
It goes like I don't belong here
I don't belong (I don't belong)
Won't you let me down (I don't belong)
C'mon and let me down (I don't belong)
You always let me down (I don't belong)
So glad that I'm let down (I don't belong)
C'mon and let me down (I don't belong)
Cuz I don't belong here
Won't you let me down!