Saturday, February 28, 2009


Zoe went to the doctor yesterday because of what looks like bruising on the bottoms of her feet. It might be related to the aspirin she's taking, but the doctor wanted to be sure and had us take her into Children's Hospital Wisconsin for labs.

As much as I wanted to be here at the crack of 8 when they opened, last night was the second of long long nights in a row, and I didn't get out when I wanted. So it's me and what looks like six other families here.

The boy across from me is lying in his mother or caregiver's arms. He's bigger - maybe 6 or 7 - and it looks like he has a what looks like a big carseat in a wheelchair. Is that our life to come?

I wrestle with all of the realities because none are real, yet. Zoe being called home seemed so distant, but I don't know if it's coming closer to her first year that I sense her fragility. Last night I just put her up to my ear so I could hear her breathe.

Wheelchair? Big carseat? Weekly or bi-weekly visits to make sure she's still ok? All 3? None? The no sleeping compounds after a while. Everything seems unmanageable.

The little boy next to me is telling his mom that he is "Very Brave." Maybe I just need a little of his boldness and confidence.


  1. huntsouth9:18 AM

    Lean hard!

    (from Winslow's, "The Burden Cast upon God")

    "Cast your burden upon the Lord, and
    He shall sustain you." Psalm 55:22.

    It is by an act of simple, prayerful faith we
    transfer our cares and anxieties, our sorrows
    and needs, to the Lord.

    Jesus invites you come and lean upon
    Him, and to lean with all your might upon
    that arm that balances the universe, and
    upon that bosom that bled for you upon
    the soldier's spear!

    But you doubtingly ask, "Is the Lord able to do this
    thing for me?" And thus, while you are debating a
    matter about which there is not the shadow of a
    shade of doubt, the burden is crushing your gentle
    spirit to the dust.

    And all the while Jesus stands at your side and
    lovingly says, "Cast your burden upon Me and
    I will sustain you. I am God Almighty. I bore
    the load of your sin and condemnation up the
    steep of Calvary, and the same power of
    omnipotence, and the same strength of love that
    bore it all for you then, is prepared to bear your
    need and sorrow now. Roll it all upon Me!"

    "Child of My Love! Lean hard! Let Me feel the
    pressure of your care. I know your burden, child!
    I shaped it- I poised it in My own hand and made
    no proportion of its weight to your unaided strength.
    For even as I laid it on, I said I shall be near, and
    while she leans on Me, this burden shall be Mine,
    not hers. So shall I keep My child within the circling
    arms of My own love. Here lay it down! Do not
    fear to impose it on a shoulder which upholds the
    government of worlds! Yet closer come! You are
    not near enough! I would embrace your burden,
    so I might feel My child reposing on My breast.
    You love Me! I know it. Doubt not, then. But,
    loving me, lean hard!"

  2. We were at the Lab yesterday as well! But, we didn't roll in until about 10:30a.m. I would have LOVED to have met Zoe!!!!!!!!!!! And then you could've met Jacob, too! We wrestle with many of the same future questions as you and Jen do...

    Lots of love and prayers from Jen, Jeremy & Jacob Schultz



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