Cry With Hope

Over 15 years ago my sister was getting married. She wanted to make sure that everyone in her family sang, so she asked me if I'd sing Steven Curtis Chapman's "I Will Be Here." I went through the music a bunch, and then, a few hours before the ceremony, I told Kirin I wasn't going to sing. I just wasn't sure.

After some cajoling and my brother offering to sing with me, I relented and sang for the first time. People loved it. It praised God. It felt awesome. It became the song I'd sing for every one of my sisters' weddings (which was a whole ton). Each time I sang it, it felt more

Years later, I had started singing with a praise team at my church. It was a new service and a young team, and the director was looking for opportunities to sing "anthems" or "special music" during the collection of offering.

Andreas and I sang another Steven Curtis song in church - "His Eyes." We loved the harmony so much that we sang it again for my Oma on her birthday. His eyes are always upon you.

Then the Kara, the director, asked me if I wanted to sing Steven Curtis Chapman's "Speechless."

Did I want to? Wow. That was a BIG song. It was big praise. It was an incredible song. Did I want to? Sure, I'd try. When we practiced it the day before, even with the first run, you could feel it. This was something special. Everyone just was transfixed by what God was doing.

I remember that Sunday now. I remember how my fingers lost all feeling while I was singing. I remember the hushed silence when we were done. I remember that moment as the moment when the praise team and I realized the opportunity we had to bring a special kind of praise to that gymnasium. We had turned a corner.

When some awful people took over 3000 innocent lives in September of 2001, I remember the confusion, the sadness, the anger. The pain. My friend Roger and I assembled some pictures into a slide show. And that Sunday following, I sat down on the ground during church and sang Steven Curtis's "Be Still and Know."

When we were asked to sing for a grief seminar for a funeral home, we decided to sing Steven Curtis's "With Hope." Amidst the intense sadness in the room, we were able to sing a song that said, "We can cry with hope."

I went through some incredibly alone and low times after singing there. At one point, Jen and I sang Steven Curtis's "Out There." " Out there/Someone needs a friend/Who'll walk against the wind/To a place that's strange and unfamiliar..."

I can't go on telling you these stories. There's more. Steven Curtis Chapman's music and his concerts have been with me through my life. His words at his concerts and his encouragement in his lyrics have saved my life. Have kept me from giving up. He is not a Christian artist. He is my friend.

So last night I was up late last night holding Zoe. She was eating quite a bit...and not breathing so great. And I saw that Steven Curtis's daughter had gone home.

So much of this story is hard. It doesn't make me question God. It does make me want to yell "Enough!" I know it's bossy, impudent. I know it's begging for less love, not more. But I'm tired, and weak and I hurt for my friend.

Please God. This young man, son of his father...accidentally harming his sister. Lift his head. Help my friend Steven Curtis, who welcomed three children from China into his home and God's family. I wish we could tell him what he has done for my family and in my life and do the same for him.