I stayed up most of the night with Zoe. I told Jen I'd wake her at 3 but I really had no intention of doing that.
While Jen was upstairs, a little boy in the room across from us was called home. He's a little button, and doctors have been working on him intensely for hours and hours.
His mom experienced the anguish you can never imagine. She mourned her son's loss, calling out "Oh my baby!" over and over again, and , "No!"
A nurse came to shut our doors, but even through our shut doors and her shut doors, I heard this mother struggle and stagger and cry out.
It's not my story, and I never want or wanted this blog to be painful or hard to read. But it's echoing in my head still, so I thought I'd tell you that we live in this broken place where there is no hope outside of Jesus. God send angels and people to console that mother.
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This is just the reason that I shared Zoe's story with my junior high choirs. I want them to pray and to know that there is life and struggle and death and revival and a miracle-working God beyond the often-closed doors of our little lives. We have the hope in our hands. Remembering that mother. Amy
ReplyDeleteThankful that Jen was doing what God had her do. This would have been too much for her as I am sure it was for you. I will be praying for that mom that lost the fight with her little boy. Such a heartbreaking journey she begins today. I am praying for you hard as I know this is so very close to your hearts. Asking God's protection over this mom and for you guys. Many prayers today.
ReplyDeleteLaurie in Ca.
Reading this I hear Natalie Grants song Held yet again---our redhead sung this song after hearing it on the radio--she had the perfect voice for it--
ReplyDeletethen after we lost our Rachel at 18wks. in utero this song was played quite a bit--
Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.
Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.
Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.
This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.
(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.
Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know, that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held
This is what it means to be held.
Oh, my gosh. I have been in the PICU when others have been called Home. I have felt like the walls were closing in on me and that I was trapped. But, I always sat in that room knowing that God was keeping Jacob alive for a reason. That is why Zoe is alive: GOD'S PERFECT REASON. Thank the good Lord above for allowing us to have a faith that can move mountains.
ReplyDeleteYour conversation with Dr. Musa sounded pretty detailed and informative. Reading in between the lines, I can see where this might be headed. If either of you have any questions from parents who have dealt with alternative breathing/feeding issues in "real life" terms, plz don't hesitate to ask us ANYTHING. We didn't have anyone to talk to that had been through life like we were about to before. Just keep us in the back of your mind as a resource for the future...
You two are inspirational and we are behind you 110%. Your decisions have been perfect for Zoe and God will guide you to make decisions in the future for her benefit. Perhaps with the added things you have learned at CHW this week, the decisions will be more obvious to you and you will know who to lean on and who to listen to. That person doesn't always tell you what you WANT to hear, but as long as it's what you NEED to hear, that person is more help than you may realize.
LOTS of love from Jen, Jeremy & Jacob
www.caringbridge.org/visit/JacobJeremySchultz
I'm crying for that mother right now. I hope she knows God and leans on him. I cannot imagine losing a child or just being in your shoes. You guys are so strong! Prayers are with you, zoe, the rest of the family and especially jen...from one mom to another.
ReplyDeleteAshley B.